


Only Ever His Beloved

by sun_and_sin (sun_and_solace)



Series: for [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Abusive Treatment, Anal, Angst, Ascian Prime?????, Body Melding, Bondage, Captivity, Emet-Selch needs therapy, F/M, Fear, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Fingering, Gore, Guro, Injections, Kidnapping, Light Vomiting Mention, Lightwarden Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Memory Loss, Mental Anguish, Mind Melding, Named Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Possession, Rough Sex, Sin Eater Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Tentacles, Transformation, memory manipulation, rough oral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 11:27:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30138861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sun_and_solace/pseuds/sun_and_sin
Summary: Her existence was truly an insult to her memory.No matter whathe had to bring her back.And hewould.A person's soul did not forget so easily, even if their mind did. The Echo was but a memory, stained into one's very aether, passed down between generations no matter how fractured the soul seemed to become.. Somewhere, buried deep in the abyss of her essence, of her being... Emet-Selch knew she remembered...Emet's desperate attempts to bring back what remains of his loved one from the recesses of the Warrior of Light's soul. He tries anything, and everything... Nothing is too much of a stretch.
Relationships: Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)
Series: for [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2214900
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Only Ever His Beloved

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yorha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yorha/gifts).



> For the wonderful [Tama](https://twitter.com/tamaffxiv) <3 <3  
> Thank you for letting me scream at you about corruption brain rot all the time, and thank you so much for the support o7  
> Please go check her out if you like my lightwarden/sin eater stuff, I guarantee her comic will fill your appetite for corruption!
> 
> Writing this was a lot of fun, and because you gave me such a loose request/the option to go wild, I was able to write shit I wanted to write but had been faffing around with bc I knew you'd like it.  
> I had so much fun coming up with a storyline for this, even if my brain was melting as I got to the end of it.
> 
> This got surprisingly hard to write towards the end bc lightwarden brains.jpg?
> 
> ANYWAY this would also be part of the Lightwarden wol series/collection I've got going but you can only put things in one series so :|

  
His.

_ His. _

Emet-Selch stared down at the woman who lay now upon his bed. The air outside the apartment seemed to swirl and fade as light filtered through the watery depths and in through the window, painting shadows upon Tama's face.

_ His _ .

How long had it been since he'd seen her so at peace? How long had it been since she'd lain in his bed, curled up with his bedsheets?

Too long.

Tama let out a soft moan, stirring slightly in the drug induced slumber Emet had forced her into.

How long until she woke?

Likely not long enough.

Emet-Selch lifted a hand from where he sat on the side of the bed, moving it to cup the Warrior of Light's cheek and stroke a thumb over the bone. The years, the sundering, it had all drawn her away from him, and yet she looked the same as ever. He'd watched as she who held the face of his once lover stained that memory with her actions, acting in ways Azem never would have, foul mouthing the one she had once loved...

Her existence was truly an insult to her memory.

No matter what  _ he had to bring her back _ .

And he  _ would _ .

A person's soul did not forget so easily, even if their mind did. The Echo was but a memory, stained into one's very aether, passed down between generations no matter how fractured the soul seemed to become.. Somewhere, buried deep in the abyss of her essence, of her being... Emet-Selch knew she remembered...

His thumb brushed down her cheek, running over her lower lip in a manner that was almost affectionate.

"You will remember for me, my dear," he breathed out, voice almost trembling with both fear and anticipation. The wash of hot breath over her face drew a small murmur from Tama's lips, and again she seemed to stir, only to fall back into slumber moments later.

For an eternity Emet-Selch sat over her, fingers brushing her cheek and running gently through her hair with obvious reverence and adoration in his touch. How was it possible that she was not her? How could something share her soul, her  _ face _ , and yet be so completely and utterly unlike her?

For the first time an angry muttering left Emet's lips, a curse to Hydaelyn and all that she had done. She had torn her from him and stripped her of her memory, turned her into this  _ monster _ that was an insult to the very women Azem had once been...

And she stirred.

Waking up must have been nightmarish for her.. or at least, for who she was now. Back then she would have smiled, lifted a hand to cup his cheek and whispered his name on the sweetest of breaths.

Now there was nothing but a ghastly mockery.

Her eyes fluttered open to the ceiling and almost instantly there was panic. There was no recognition here, no matter how painstakingly he'd recreated their room from eons past. Those eyes moved across the ceiling, exploring the divots, the nooks, the crannies in the walls... and then they moved towards him, her hands, bound though she was clearly not aware of it, shifting and curling into the bedsheets below her.

"E-Emet?"

Uncertainty filtered into her tone and almost instantly his face clouded with darkness.

An absolute mockery. A lie. A useless existence.

_ Hades _ . His name was  _ Hades, _ and that’s what  _ she _ would’ve said.

Tama moved to sit up... or at least, her hands shifted to move beneath her, only to tug on the bindings that held them together under her torso.

_ Panic _ .

Tama's eyes grew wide with terror the instant she felt that gentle resistance. Her gaze danced to Emet's and held it as wrists pulled back and forth, desperately trying to free themselves from their bonds...

"Shhh," he crooned out softly, lifting a finger to her lips. "Good evening..."

Beneath his fingers, Tama trembled, almost afraid to pull away from his touch no matter how much it repulsed her.

"W-where.. am I..?" she squeaked out softly.

For a moment, something dark flashed over Emet's face, but then his lips curled into a gentle smile.

"Home, my dear," he breathed out, leaning forward so he loomed over her. "Our home.."

The terror in Tama's eyes grew as he leaned over her, but Emet seemed to pay it no mind, instead cupping her cheek in his palm and stroking his thumb over her cheekbone.

"H-Home?" she squeaked out softly. "What ... do you mean..?"

Emet was silent, his gaze darting over her with obvious hunger.

And then he hushed her again, fingers darting to her chin and tilting her head back so that he could bury his face in the crook of her neck. Tama let out a soft squeak, flinching and beginning to tremble, pulling away as much as she could in her bindings.

Emet ignored her again, slowly taking in her scent as he dotted kisses along her neck.

"Mine..." he breathed out on a husky tone. "Mine.. you were  _ mine _ ..."

"W-what.. are you doing...?"

More kisses, breath washing over Tama's ear as he inhaled her essence with growing hunger.

"I'll bring you back.. I will bring you back..."

He could tell the moment she realised what was coming; how her entire frame grew taut and her breathing stopped. His hand wrapped around her throat to keep her from moving as he sat back up, forcibly keeping her pinned as a claw slipped beneath the neckline of her shirt.

"I love you, my dear," he hissed out with palpable lust in his eyes, tearing down her front with the claws on his gloves.

Beneath him Tama screamed and began thrashing, a struggle that went completely ignored.

Claws continued down, slipping beneath her pants and smallclothes and tearing those away too until Emet snapped and completely bared the pair of them to each other.

Further terror rose in Tama's eyes.... Further terror that yet again went completely ignored.

"S-Stop!"

Emet's hand clamped down on Tama's mouth as her lips parted, and again he hushed her, leaning over her frame and sliding a hand between her legs.

"Shhh... Mayhap you don't remember... but your body.. your soul..."

A finger parted her folds, dragging up and down their centre with a gentleness that seemed alien amidst all else.

"... _ That _ may remember..."

The finger settled on her clit, rolling back and forth for a few brief moments as Emet continued to press his lips to the crook of her neck. Despite how he held her, despite how he pinned her down, the touch between her legs had a caress much like a lovers. It was soft, gentle... and too familiar…  _ He  _ **_knew_ ** _ how she wanted to be touched. _

The finger dragged down to the gathering wetness and then back up, circling slowly over the sensitive bead of nerves as Emet continued to hush in her ear.

"Mine.." he breathed out, and Tama let out a pathetic sounding whimper.

"P-... stop.. please.." she mewled out, and Emet merely hushed her again, continuing to stroke reverently between her legs.

"Oh my dear, don't beg me to stop.." he breathed out, hot air washing over the sensitive skin of her ear. "You're my lover... Don't make me hear such things..."

He let out a soft chuckle, and again Tama whimpered.

Again, Emet hushed her.

"Do not fret, my love.." he breathed out slowly. "I'll bring you back to the surface.. I'll make you remember... How we used to dance in the evenings..."

The finger trailed further down, dipping into her this time as his thumb resumed the pressure upon her clit. Tama let out a soft, broken noise, shaking her head as best she could in her pinned position.

A stroke upon that upper wall... two.. three.. Emet's fingers were merciless, and yet they knew every bit to press to bring her undone. Beneath his touch, Tama was quivering. Weeping from her eyes, but quivering.

Emet's other hand slipped to her mouth when the second finger slid into her.

"My dear," he groaned out on heavy, lust filled pants. "Doesn't that feel good?"

Tama let out a sob behind his hand, shaking her head as further tears rolled down her face.

Emet's hand pressed harder, as if to keep her still... As if to keep her from refusing.

He would not let her pathetic shard ruin this for him.. She was buried there, deep within, and no matter what it took he'd pull her back out.

A gentle scowl crossed his face, but when she began to tremble again at his touch it disappeared, and he crooned at her.

"Yes,  _ yes _ , I know it feels good, shhh..."

Fingers dipped out and he pulled himself upright, planting his hand more firmly over her mouth as he settled between her legs.

She knew what was coming the instant he did.

Tama's eyes grew wide as saucers and instantly she began trying to thrash again, screaming from below his hand as the Ascian settled on his knees betwixt her thighs.

His hold on her grew firmer as he took his cock in his hand, dragging the head of it up and down her now soaked folds.

Again, Emet hushed her, pinning her by force with the hand on her mouth.

"Shh, you  _ know _ it will feel good, my precious dear... We've done this so many times before..."

But Tama continued to thrash and scream, only falling still when he pressed his head to the entrance and thrust his hips, once, burying several ilms within her body.

Her back shot into an arch and her limbs pulled straight where they were bound, and she  _ screamed _ , following it with several more as Emet continuing to thrust into her, each consecutive push forcing more of his length into her..

And then, when he was fully sheathed, he fell still.

He watched as the tension flooded from her body. He watched as she fell back onto the bed in defeat. Watched as the tears picked up again and that hopeless expression crossed her eyes. As defeat, acceptance, hit her.

No, she would not escape this.

Not until he'd brought her memories back.

_ Not until she loved him again. _

She was trembling, though now Emet no longer knew whether it was from pleasure or terror.

Not that he particularly cared for what  _ she _ felt. She was not the one he cared for after all. The one he cared for was buried away inside of her, and he would bring her back.

Despite the aggression he had displayed in initially sheathing himself, Emet's motions thereafter mimicked a lovers again. His hips were slow as he drew out of her, and slow as he pushed back into her. His thumb settled on her clit, the other finally lifting warily off her mouth in case she might scream, and settling on her breast... and in tandem they began to roll against the sensitive flesh as he began to rock his hips into her.

Slow motions began to speed at the same rate as her tears. When he sped up, her tears sped up, her body shivering with sobs. When he slowed, the shivering and tears slowed too... But despite that Emet was not deterred by her distress, continuing to forcibly mount pleasure on her frame as she weeped.

Several times he hushed her, stroking her cheek or pressing his lips to her forehead, but each time it amounted to naught, and so as time went on he stopped, merely continuing to push pleasure she didn't want onto her frame.

It was obvious he wanted her to feel good. His touch, his motions, they were far too controlled and gentle for one who wanted to hurt her. Here was a shard of his lover, memories deep and forgotten within her.. Even if he hated what she'd become he would achieve nothing if he didn't pull out those latent memories..

Over time his motions grew speedier, hungrier... more desperate. His breathing grew wild, heavy, and he pinned her down as the rate of his hips grew nigh wild.

With no energy left there was nothing for Tama to do but take what he thrust upon her, weeping silently as she gazed up into the ceiling. Pleasure she didn't want.. Pleasure she didn't ask for.. He continued to spin his fingers in the right places as he chased after not just his own release but the return of his loved one...

For naught.

She peaked, eyes squeezing shut as her body racked with tremors. Tears continued to roll, and his peak came soon after...

But there was no recognition in her eyes...

Only pain.

And Emet's expression darkened slightly when he looked upon her face and did not see familiarity there.

"I see.." he breathed out, panting heavily. "Not enough..."

With one smooth motion he pulled himself free, giving a wave of his hand and forming a plug within it.

"Perhaps..." he panted out. "Perhaps... it needs to sit within you..."

Wet and slick from the fluids he'd forced out of her body, as well as his own, the plug slid inside of her with little resistance...

And yet, despite how winded he was, his fingers slid into her hair, smearing her slick along her locks as he lifted to his knees. He rocked on top of her, settling his knees by her arms, and then with one, swift yank, pulled her head upright.

The gentleness was gone. Whatever desperation he'd shown in trying to make her feel good, in trying to pull out those deep, buried memories, had all but vanished.

There was no tenderness in Emet's hold. His fingers curled angrily into her hair, brows furrowing with both hurt and frustration as he peered down upon her.

"Open," he hissed out, a finger hovering over her lip and diving between them when she didn't respond fast enough.

The tip hooked over her lower teeth and yanked her jaw down, tearing a cry from her lips, and without giving her even a moment to really register what was happening, Emet stuffed his cock into her mouth. Back and forth he dragged his cock over her tongue, jabbing the entrance to her throat as he panted both angrily and desperately above her.

Perhaps she would not remember, but her body would...

At least, that's what he told himself.

Stuff her with his seed, stuff her to the brim... and she'd remember, eventually. She'd held his seed before. Not like this, perhaps, but it would do the trick... Surely...  _ surely _ ...

Thrust after desperate thrust he continued like this, working Tama's unwilling mouth over his cock while she continued to weep. Hot, heavy tears trailed down her cheeks and stained the bed below her, but he did not stop. Saliva and drool dripped down her chin, soaking her face, her neck, her chest... but he did not stop.

Not until he had filled her mouth with his cum. Only then did he pull out, gripping her chin between two fingers and squeezing her jaw shut so that she'd swallow.

And when that was done he slipped to her legs, untying her with that same rushed, desperate hurriedness as before.

Emet flipped her onto her front, spreading her cheeks apart and gazing at the untouched hole on her rear.

She was too spent to even struggle when he slipped a saliva coated finger against it, though he certainly felt how she tensed, and heard how she squeaked out in pain as he eased it into her.

He'd never fucked her like this in the past, but at this point it didn't matter... If the pleasure wasn't enough to bring her memories back, then the seed would be..

_ The seed would be... _

A second finger slipped into the taut ring, and Tama let out another cry, limbs beginning to quiver.

Mayhap if he still cared about her wellbeing he would have told her to relax....

But he didn't anymore.

The fingers scissored and pulsed, in and out.. Even if he didn't care for how she felt, he did not want to break her too soon.

A third finger slipped in... Again she mewled, squirming uncomfortably below him...

But the fingers continued...

And when he thought she was sufficiently stretched out, they pulled away, and he replaced their presence with his cock.

Slowly...  _ slowly _ ... he pushed inside of her. When she let out a cry and tensed, trying to lift her upper body, both hands settled upon her, one on her shoulder and the other on her waist, and pinned her to the bed...

And he continued...

One ilm... Two... he pushed inside of her as she continued to squirm beneath him until he was fully sheathed inside of her...

For several long seconds, he merely stayed there, letting her feel his length, his  _ heat _ , throbbing in her ass...

And then his grip on her tightened until nails dug into skin.

Pinning her with more force to the bed he began to rock into her, his pace gentle at first but quickly growing more irate and agitated and  _ desperate _ . Every action was that of a desperate man. A man with only one desire and a single vision.

_ To bring her back. _

Below him Tama began to cry out again, groaning and wailing with each aching thrust.

His fingers lifted from her shoulder and tangled into her hair, burying her face into the sheets as his pacing grew erratic.

She would remember.

_ She would remember _ .

He would force it from her body one way or another but  _ she would _ .

With a groan he buried himself to the hilt and let the third load of cum slip into her body that evening. Even after he'd finished twitching, he did not pull out for a long time, and when he did, a plug replaced his cock, just like before.

It would not be the last serving she got this evening, he'd make sure of that.

**

But she didn't remember.

Night after night after night, he filled her full of cum. Every hour of every day he stuffed his cock into her holes and filled her with his seed...

But never did she get any closer to remembrance. There was never that familiar glint in her eyes. She never looked up at him and smiled... never said his true name.

Instead he only broke her down, until she clung to him. Curled in his bedsheets, fingers tangled into his clothes, with no other source of comfort she looked to him, her captor, for that which she needed so desperately, even in her terror...

He muttered around her... Things to himself, thoughts, plans...

She didn't catch when he moved on to the next part of his plan.

She didn't catch the murmur.

"Perhaps there's still too much of you left.."

"Perhaps your current memories crowd on top of the old..."

But when his fingers brushed over her cheek, she caught the last bit;

"Perhaps I need to pull those away... to fully unleash what lies beneath."

**

Tama didn't feel how they slipped away from her. Not at first, anyway. He took from her the memories of his abuse, and then he took more, bit by bit by bit.

At first it was who she was.

When she awoke there was emptiness.... hollowness... something inside of her that felt wrong, something she couldn't explain..

Not until he settled on her bed and placed a hand gingerly upon her cheek.

"Good evening," he purred out, practically beaming down at her. "How do you feel?"

Her eyelids fluttered a few times, and then furrowed.

She felt..  _ odd _ .

No, more than that.

She felt  _ wrong. _

Her lips parted to speak, and then she realised, eyes widening as she searched her brain desperately for the answer to the question that had bubbled to the surface.

_ Who am I? _

There was something stunning in watching this unfold. In watching how her eyes grew wider, and wider... as panic and stress crept into her expression that had been, just moments ago, so peaceful...

Emet's lips twisted into a grin, lids drooping as he peered down at her with sly amusement.

"Is something wrong?" he purred out, and when her terrified eyes met his, she knew.

_ He did this. _

"What... did you do to me?" she squeaked out softly, a tremor beginning to shake her frame. "What did you  _ do _ ?"

Emet merely chuckled, his thumb brushing over her cheekbone in a motion that, while it should have been comforting, did nothing but send shivers to her core.

"Nothing more than I needed..."

For several seconds he stayed like that, peering down at her with eyes that were somehow both amused and cold at the same time, stroking the pad of his thumb along her cheek.

And then she broke.

Her breath hitched in her throat as hot tears began to roll down her face.

She had been important.

_ She had been important. Loved. She had been  _ **_somebody_ ** ...

**_BUT WHO!?_ **

A pained noise escaped from her lips, hand shooting up to cup over his, fingers squeezing into his flesh and yet not pulling his touch away.

"Who am I?" she whispered out, voice cracking as the trembles took her once more. "Who was I? What have you done to me...?"

There was a pause as Emet's lips curled into a smirk, and then Tama continued, agony and desperation creeping into her voice.

"I was... I was someone, someone important... I did.. things..  _ things _ .. I helped people.. b-but.."

Her breathing had started to grow erratic, and Emet's other hand moved to cup her cheek.

For several moments he cooed comfortingly at her, stroking his thumbs across her cheeks as if the motion would calm her, while she continued to pant and panic.

Eventually he lifted a hand, drifting it over to the side of the bed beside her and picking something up, judging by how the weight shifted beside her.

A picture frame.

Emet held it before himself for several seconds, his other hand lifting from her cheek to hold the rectangle before him. He umm-ed and ah-ed a bit for a few moments, tilting his head this way and that, before turning the frame towards Tama, lips twisting into a vicious grin.

"Do you recognise who these are?"

The recognition was there, and her lips parted the instant she saw the image...

But she froze.

Emet could practically see the gears turning in her head as she took in their appearance, brows furrowing as the search in her mind came up empty.

Sorceress in a black dress... The hooded man with the crystal arm... The tall Elezen in his robes... The twins, familiar, and yet somehow also not...

She knew them..

_ She knew them _ ....

.....

And yet she most assuredly did not....

Another shiver ran up her frame, the tears that had seemingly stopped while she had thought beginning to pick up again. Hot and heavy they rolled down her cheeks, dripping from her chin to stain her lap and the bed below her.

"E-Emet..." she stammered out, voice cracking with pain.. "Why.. do I know these people...?"

A soft snort of a chuckle escaped his lips, and Emet peered over the picture he was holding as if to see it himself.

"What, the Scions?" he said with a scoff, lifting an eyebrow before falling into laughter. "You don't remember them?"

She  _ did! _

And yet she did  _ not _ ...

A pained expression crossed Tama's face. She knew these people. They were important to her.. Valuable, precious... She  _ loved _ them, that she knew, that she could  _ feel _ . It tugged in her chest.

And yet for the life of her  _ she could not remember who they were _ . What she had done for them, what they had done for her.  _ What their names were... _

All that was left was the vaguest feeling of importance... and nothing else.

Another pained noise escaped from her lips, and just as her lids slipped closed, her body beginning to shudder with sobs...

Emet snapped.

And something inside of her vanished.

It wasn't a sensation she could describe. Not easily, in any case.

It was as though something inside had just stepped up and left. An emotion, a thought...

A strange hollowness clawed at her insides, and as she tried to chase after its explanation, it seemed to run from her prying eyes, thoughts tumbling, crumbling away like burnt paper as she sought after them...

She looked up at the man before her, and new panic entered her expression.

She knew this man.

_ She knew this man _ .

He had done terrible...  _ Terrible, unforgivable _ things to her....

But...

"W-Who are you...?"

Oh how his lips twisted into a wicked grin.

Emet dropped the picture frame to the side of the bed, raising the hand to his chest and leaning backwards dramatically as if her comment offended him.

"Me?" he said, with feigned hurt. "You forget  _ me _ ?"

Instantly the false hurt dropped, and the sadistic smirk was back.

"Oh dear, oh my  _ dear _ ..."

He reached forward, taking her cheek into his hand and stroking along it as she began to shiver beneath his touch.

She did not want this man touching her, some wild, animalistic part of her knew that...

And yet she could barely even recall  _ why _ .

Emet chuckled long and low, almost purring when he spoke next.

"Yes, like this you'll come back to me far more easily...  _ Far _ more easily..."

A few times his thumb stroked, and then he smirked.

"I'll remind you who I am, love.." he rumbled out softly, leaning forward and taking her cheeks in both hands.

When his face was ilms from hers he paused, letting her feel the heat of his breath on her face and simultaneously taking in the terror upon Tama's face.

She looked everything like Azem had...

And yet, she was  _ nothing _ like her.

This frail, fearful thing, had to go.

He pressed his lips to her cheek, kissing away her tears, and followed the tender motion by pressing his lips to hers...

And then, she began to scream.

Coldness poured inside of her, down her throat and into her lungs, her stomach. Pressure swelled and shifted, and something like cold hands pressed against her insides, stemming from her chest and creeping along her limbs until it encompassed every ilm of her.

Darkness encroached on her vision, her breathing came to a halt, and desperately Tama raised her arm, bringing it to her face, her throat, her lips, starting to claw with need for air, for  _ freedom _ from whatever this suffocating presence was...

Thoughts, memories, names, they all seemed to flash by her eyes as if she was seeing memories through someone else's eyes. She tried to chase after her own, those that she knew, were her own at least, but they seemed to crumple and scatter, pages tossed into a fire as she sought after them, replaced by giant screaming noises and sounds of a life that weren't her own until she couldn't tell anymore whether they were or weren't hers...

She could feel his presence, there in her head, breathing, beating, pulsing, observing. Watching as this torment, this movie was forcibly played before her eyes, eyes that she couldn't close.

He was there, inside of her... Watching.. waiting...

She could feel his  _ being _ , and something about it mortified her. He was inside her head... She could feel it, and yet do nothing. She tried to move hands, only hands did not move... She could not feel her body... No...  _ She did not have a body _ .

Something moved in its place, cold, hard... metallic... Something inhuman and  _ wrong _ , something completely not  _ hers _ .

_ What is this... _

Fingers moved to her face, scraping over what should have been skin, only felt solid and firm like plastic.. like  _ metal _ ...

Her insides felt cool.. wrong.. and while some of her limbs seemed to respond.. others did not..

Things felt long, twisted, morphed...

_ Wrong… _

_ Wretched. _

_ Broken. _

But she wasn't given the chance to consider it before she was forced to see again.. to feel. To think. To touch. To smell.

Hands touched hands, skin touched skin. Intoxicating scents, purple, lavender, blue. The scent of jasmine, myrrh, sandalwood, the scent of  _ home _ . Shining lights, ablaze in the sky. Shining lights, a city skyline that just seemed  _ right _ .

Adoration, love, devotion. Lips touched lips, heated skin pressed against heated skin.. Bliss poured from her insides as a voice... her voice... echoed along the walls in tandem with  _ his. _

Little whispered nothings, words of adoration, from her lips to his, and his to hers. Arms tangled around his... Warmth, need, love, longing, flooded through her chest.

She'd missed this man, missed him so much... wanted him.. adored him...  _ adored him _ ..

It grew and grew, swelled in her chest until it seemed unbearable, as though she would  _ explode _ with her need for him.

And then just like that, it all stopped.

There was darkness...

And then there was light.

Fingertips tingled, and Tama winced as her eyes fluttered open, a strange sense of relief and calm settling over her when she realised that whatever had happened was now over.

And then it hit her.

The nostalgia.

The longing.

The  _ need _ .

She'd done this before...

With  _ him _ ... the man who sat before her now..

_ The man who her heart seemed to swell with need for _ .

Pain fluttered over her expression, and a shaking arm lifted, reaching for him, only for his hand to catch it, and a wicked smirk to twist over his lips.

"No," he hissed through his teeth, revulsion and amusement staining his tone. "Just a taste of your true memories and already you're reaching for me like some desperate thing..."

His eyes narrowed, and the grin disappeared.

"There is still too much of  _ Tama _ left in you," he growled out, throwing her arm to the side and ignoring how she cried out when it hit the edge of the bed.

She didn't understand.

_ She didn't understand _ ...

She loved him... Did he not love her back? Had he not held her? Kissed her? Whispered those sweet nothings in her ear?  _ Had that not been her? _

Tama... or what was left of her... let out a hurt noise, brows furrowing as she lifted a shaky arm again.

"Why..?" she whispered out.

Emet ignored her.

"You still retain too much of your mind..." he seemed to mutter, more to himself than her. "You still cloud your true self.."

And with a single snap of his fingers, true darkness took her once more.

"I need to fully remove what is left of you so that you can remember.."

**

Tama tried to yank her arm away from him the instant she felt his cold fingers grip her wrist, but with the tiniest bit of strength his tightened, keeping her arm against his chest as he pulled out the needle.

The tip was not thick, but the fluid that sat within the container was alarmingly bright. Luminescent and white, it seemed to bubble and spit even compressed inside the glass. Even without her memory, without any knowledge of her past left to her, Tama knew instantly it was dangerous, if by association with the man who hurt her and treated her so terribly alone.

Emet leered at her, his nails digging into the soft flesh of her arm as he inspected and then brought the tip of the syringe to her elbow.

"Stay still now," he purred, extending the hand which held the syringe to her face and settling an index finger on her temple. Beneath him she quivered and twitched, whimpering like some sort of terrified animal.

He supposed she wasn't much better than one anymore....

While she retained all her abilities of thought, all her abilities to function, he'd all but stripped her memories from her, and left her with flashes of that of her old past. Tama no longer had any sense of self. All she knew was that the man before her was dangerous,  _ harmful _ , that he treated her terribly... Not because of any memory, but because of the things he did to her...

How he held her close and trailed his fingers over her body, touching her in ways no stranger should...

How he stuck his cock into her as she screamed and begged him not to.

How he fucked her face, and then held her close and crooned at her as she weeped, curled within his arms for lack of any other choice.

She truly wasn't much better than an animal, a Hyur broken down to their most basic instincts.

But even with her memories gone, she retained her personhood, and that kept her true self shadowed.

And so it was that he resorted to this..

His last option.

Mind melding did not work. Memory manipulation did not work. And his touch, gentle at times and rough at others, neither worked.

"You remember sin eaters and light wardens... yes?" he rolled out, pressing his index finger to her forehead.

One, brief touch, and he returned the barest of Tama's memories to her. Terror, and flashes of images of the monsters she'd faced and forgotten.

The finger slipped away, and the syringe slipped back to her elbow.

Before she could fully return, his fingers tightened, holding her arm firm as he pressed the needle into her skin.

White crept along her veins, trailing slowly up her arm as he began to push the fluid in.

Just as she returned..

Her arm tensed, and her gaze slipped down to first him, and then to her arm...

And she  _ shrieked _ .

His fingers tightened and a surge of magic rendered her arm without control, but below him she began to  _ thrash _ .

Against her bonds she tugged, against the bed she kicked, rocking her upper body wildly this way and that as if to free her arm from him.

"No,  _ no! NO! I don't want to become that!! No! NO!!!!!" _

**

It continued.

Day in, day out.

It continued.

Emet came, he stroked her cheek, pressed his lips to hers, then her temple.

He stuck his cock into her as she wept.

And then he pulled her to the mirror.

Some days she kicked and screamed.

Others she merely wept.

But he always sat down on the bed, pulling her from where she lay and settling her between his legs. He always put his shoes between her thighs and pried them apart, running his fingers through her hair and keeping her head face forward while he whispered about how beautiful she was.

His fingers stroked her cheek, her face... they ran down her chest to play with and squeeze her breasts as he murmured how pretty she was...

How soon she'd lose whatever of Tama was left, the  _ imposter _ that took up her seven shards, and she,  _ Azem _ , would return to him...

Soon...

He'd always say soon...

Even as he drove more light into her veins.

Her skin grew whiter until the light creeping beneath it could no longer be seen.

He always said soon, even as the pain grew worse and worse, as light bile bubbled up and over her lips, dripping down her chin.

He always said soon, even as light bled from every bit of her, trailing down her skin like bioluminescent tears.

He always said soon, even as she began to lean into him, beg this man she didn't know, this man who only brought her pain and then comfort she didn't want but  _ needed _ , to please make it end...

He always said soon, even as she begged him to give her more, to hurry the process up, to finish the transformation she knew she didn't want so that she'd at least  _ stop feeling _ .

Some days she'd weep and cry and he'd let her curl up in his lap, stroking her back and whispering against her.

"Oh you poor sweet thing..." he'd murmur, pressing his lips to her forehead. "It must be so terrifying... But don't worry... You'll be mine again.. Only mine.. It'll all be as it once was..."

...

" _ It will all be over soon. _ ."

**

She existed in only two states.

Hunger...need.. pain... …  _ Consciousness... _

And darkness. Bliss. Peace.

She didn't like the former.

All she wanted was for it to end.

The transformation.

She did not know what she had done to deserve this fate... To be turned into such a monster... To be  _ touched _ by such a monster, even if that one was the man who always held her..

But she knew she wanted it to end....

Emet's finger spun softly upon her clit, the other squeezing gently at her breast as she awoke, back into that world of hunger... of  _ need _ .

Tama.. The creature in Emet's lap let out a groan, and as if alerted to her waking, Emet's fingers dove into her soaked wetness. He'd been toying with her for hours already, and the apex of her thighs was completely and utterly soaked with need.

"Good morning, pet," he purred out against her forehead.

_ Just a little more _ ...

That's what he always told himself.

_ Just a little more _ , and he'd unlock the memories, the old self, buried deep inside of her.

He'd bring Azem back...

Tama let out another groan, nostrils flaring. He smelled so good... He always smelled so good....

She always wanted him.. to sink her teeth into his skin, rip out his life essence...

And yet, some distant, deep knowledge stopped her.

She wouldn't be able to. Oh how she  _ longed _ for it, to drink deep of his aether, but she knew she'd fail..

And yet, now....

There was something else.

His fingers pulsed in and out of her, brushing against those sensitive spots both inside and out.

"Look forward, pet," he chuckled, lifting the hand on her breast to her chin as if to aid her.

Her head lifted, and unfocused eyes made out a figure strapped to a chair before her, breathing heavily with his head down....

Red hair... blue crystal... pert ears pulled against his skull...

He was shaking... shivering... crying...

Tama let out a noise, nostrils flaring again.

And then she froze, that familiarity, that  _ recognition _ , fluttering onto her face.

_ She knew this man _ .

**_SHE KNEW THIS MAN_ ** .

"Oh, come now, don't be like that..." Emet purred, chuckling. Tama tried to look away, but his fingers locked upon her jaw, keeping her gaze fixed forward. "I brought you some food... and I  _ know _ how hungry you are..."

The fingers on her chin loosened, and one index finger moved, dragging over her lower lip.

"How hungry you've been..." he whispered, lips brushing against her ear. "How you've smelled my aether, boiling, burning, just beneath my skin... How you've craved to sink your teeth into me..."

The finger dipped between her lips, and then, before her animalistic mind could even register its presence, dipped away.

Emet pulled from her body and stood up, moving over to the slumped over man and burying his fingers into his hair.

"N....N..o..." Tama managed to garble out through her mangled, monstrous teeth and lips.

Emet pouted for a moment, before his lids drooped and he smirked.

"Perhaps this..." He placed the tip of a hand on the Miqo'te's stomach, shadows wrapping around his hand and surrounding it with his clawed Ascian glove. "Will change your mind."

A groan escaped the boy's lips, and then a scream as Emet's hand trailed up his chest, tearing a deep red gash into the skin.

Blood, hot, red,  _ filled with aether _ , flowed forth from the wound, body working hurriedly to try close at it.

It spilled down his stomach, over his legs, staining the chair he was tied to, staining his pants...

Tama's nostrils flared.

Hunger...

_ Hunger _ ..

There was no containing this. She knew she didn't want to hurt this man, somewhere deep inside,  _ she knew _ ...

And  _ yet _ ...

_ She was utterly starving _ .

All sense of reason vanished in seconds.

She lunged from where she sat at the side of the room, light surging within her. Fingertips swelled and grew. The skin on her back screamed in agony as flesh tore through flesh and wings emerged upon her back.

Claws dug into the familiar Miqo'te's shoulder, blue crystal cracking beneath the talons and blood seeping from where they dug into flesh.

Some obscene, animalistic noise, garbled and inhuman, escaped Tama's lips as she loomed over the terrified boy, and in response he screeched, resorting to desperate begging and weeping as he peered up, terrified, at the almost fully turned monster above him.

Light-filled, white drool, coated and dripped from the exposed fangs between her parted lips.

A hand wrapped around his other shoulder, squeezing flesh and bone until it crumpled like charcoal between her fingers, flesh and blood leaking through the gaps in her talons.

The Miqo'te let out a blood curdling scream, lips parting and eyes bulging, allowing the light filled drool to drip from her mouth to his...

And then she dipped her lips to his neck, sinking her teeth into his skin as he wailed. His begging started, then stopped as she tore into his flesh. Light bled through her into the wound... and blood,  _ aether _ , bled through to wound into her mouth...

And she changed.

**

The last thing she had begged for before she fully lost her speech was for him to finish the transformation. For him to hurry it up... To let her turn so she no longer had to suffer anymore.

It was far too late now...

Emet had long since given up.

She was lost to him.

She was too far gone, and everything...  _ everything _ ... He'd tried it all... And she'd never returned.

She, Azem, was lost.

At this point, there was nothing left for him to hope for.

Beyond letting her turn completely, and using her form to bring about the rejoining...

He'd shown her what she'd do to the world when turned.. the hurt, the havoc she'd bring...

She'd still begged... She'd still begged to be brain dead and monstrous, to end her suffering.

And then lost her speech, her tongue growing all too long for her to even try.

Tama... No.. The half Tama, half sin eater creature, sat between his legs, shivering as he pondered his situation.

Fingers dipped in and out of her, and occasionally she moaned, rocking her hips against them, though for the most part she barely seemed to respond to his touch at all.

He'd lost her.

A frown crossed Emet's lips, and his fingers dipped out of her, trailing to her lips when she whined and shoving past them.

She was such a stupid thing. Stupid... Useless... He'd gone to so much trouble to bring her back, and she  _ still _ hadn't been able to recall anything of her own...

With a growl, he shoved his fingers against her tongue, digging them against the entrance to her throat and keeping them there as she began to gag over them.

One, two, the flood of light didn't take long.

As the searing fluid reached his fingers he pulled them out, giving them a flick and tearing her away from his lap.

He threw her to the ground as the white fluid drooled from her lips and she continued to cough up more, swiftly pulling himself to his feet and dragging her behind him, ignoring her animalistic wails and cries as she struggled to follow after him.

He yanked her up by her hair and threw her to the bed, ignoring the noises of protests she let off as he grabbed her ankles and spread her before him.

A snap, and without warning he shoved his cock into her, relishing the agonised scream that tore from her lips at the sudden intrusion.

There was something satisfying about this, he couldn't help but admit.

This  _ creature _ , this  _ thing _ , had taken the image of his loved one, and mangled it. Turned her into something she was not. Dishonoured her image...

He'd tried so hard to bring her back, pull her back to grace..

And it had all been for nothing. Wasted effort.

Only like this, monstrous, and once fully turned, would she serve any use in this shattered form…   
  


And he had to admit, there was something entertaining about tormenting her so.

Tendrils, shadowy and thick and purple, billowed from behind him, trailing around Tama and wrapping around her flailing limbs.

They sank between her legs, by her head, burying into the tight ring of muscle and into her throat and thrusting several times as she twitched with pain.

She hadn't always been like this..

She knew.

She knew she hadn't been this full of hunger.. full of need... and yet so empty at the same time.

She knew..

Hunger twisted in the pit of her stomach, its agony so strong it overshadowed the agony of whatever it was that pulsed between her legs and in her throat...

They buried, deeper than anything should, twisting, writhing.. She heaved, she gagged.. it ached...

She felt them twitch and her skin stretch where they bulged...

But she couldn't think about anything but the hunger.

The thing in her mouth pulled out.

And the source of aether just before her beckoned... Warm... alluring.. so lovely..

She leaned forward, and buried her teeth into the crook of its shoulder and neck..

And suddenly, everything stopped.

It was like before again, memories flashing before her eyes as though she were watching someone else's life. A presence, something inside of her, that she couldn't pin, driving terror into her heart like spikes.

Hands touched, lips touched, skin against skin. Warmth, love, affection.

Him.

_ Him. _

She didn't understand.

She  _ couldn't _ understand.

Not like this.

Longing, need, the need for that hold, that affection, that  _ person _ in her memory, her mind's eye, flooded her chest until it felt like it was going to explode.

Light surged beneath her skin as agony clawed up her insides.

She needed him.  _ She needed him _ .

Heat burst from between her legs and she let out an obscene cry, agonised and blissful all at once.

His face sat before her in her mind, agonised, crying. It hurt...

_ It hurt _ .

She loved him, loved him so much. She didn't want to see him hurt.

She extended an arm, reaching, only she couldn't... her limbs weren't her own... the memory wasn't her own.

Agonised, the sin eater screamed, hot, white tears pooling and billowing down her face as Emet-Selch pulled out from between her legs.

_ "Hades,"  _ she garbled out, her voice broken and mangled and twisted... Filled with agony and hurt and need. " **_Hades..._ ** **"**

She sounded so forlorn, so broken.

Her eyes gazed straight ahead, staring through the world, not seeing reality.

Her arms reached, desperately clawing at the air for a being who was not there.

"Ha...dES..."

He leant forward, easing himself between her claws.

She didn't understand.. she couldn't...

Why was he sad...?

_ Why was he sad? _

She blinked, and her eyes focused in on him. On the  _ real _ him.

He had tears in his eyes too, and they smattered upon her cheeks as he wept.

She didn't.. understand...

A pained, monstrous noise escaped her lips, and she lifted her claw, bringing it to his face.

No...  _ No! _ Why was he crying? His crying made her sad.. no, she couldn't... this emotion was too much.. It hurt, it  _ hurt _ ..

A furious, anguished noise escaped her lips, and she lifted her claw, digging it into Emet's chest and tearing a pained noise from him.

Remove it, the pain, the source of her hurt.  _ Him _ ...

Emet choked, and coughed, lips curling into a smile as blood began to pool from where she pierced him.

_ She remembered _ .

It cost him everything.. All of her.. All she had left... And now it would cost him his life too...

_ But she remembered _ ....

Like this she could go on to rejoin the world...

He'd lose the only shard he'd found of her in all the eternities he'd lived after the sundering...

And it ached...

_ But she remembered... _

She'd been there, buried deep inside... all along.. as he'd known...

His tears, his  _ blood _ , smattered across her face, luminescent white tears of her own streaming down the sides of her alabaster face...

She'd remembered...

And now.. though bittersweet... he found peace at her hands...

Emet's lips curled into a pained smile, another smattering of blood escaping his lips as he fell forward onto her...

At least his death had been by her, his beloved’s, hands... and not by some other cruel twist of fate.

He'd sustain her, at least...

His body went limp, limbs and torso falling against her..

And though she'd removed the source of the pain, the agony in her chest increased tenfold.

Small, animalistic, she didn't understand.

_ She didn't understand _ .

Tama wailed, screeching wildly and clawing at the body that now sat limp on her chest.

Hot, heavy tears rolled down her cheek, searing into his skin, soaking into his clothes, as she pulled his limp frame towards her and held it close, sinking her teeth into his flesh and drinking in the lingering essence of aether.

She'd never understand... too animalistic, too  _ gone _ to understand the agony of losing the one she'd loved...

She wept... and wept... and wept... and though Emet had found peace at her hands... she'd brought herself the endless agony of having killed the only one she loved.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you want to scream at me you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sun_and_solace)!


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